sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
