Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
