i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
