you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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