i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
