I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
