My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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