that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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