End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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