My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
