Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
