Swine flu. Run for my life!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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