Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
