Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Terrible idea I love it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
