I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
