the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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