If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
