what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
