i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
