just come out here and I will go home with you...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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