quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
