We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
