i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
