im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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