Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
