You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
