I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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