My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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