I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
