just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
