bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
