Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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