I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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