you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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