I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
