Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
