She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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