its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
