a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize