if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
