.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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