saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
