Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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