I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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