Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
