who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
