the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
