i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
