Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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