I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
