So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
