angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will be naked everywhere
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
