it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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