I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
farters have to be the big spoon...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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