the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
