I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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