You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
