Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
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I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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