after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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