I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
