Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
