I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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