the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
