Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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