She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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