We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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