It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
how does that bad decision feel?
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