Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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