i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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